CSI ‘Under the Microscope’

CSI is constantly on channel 5. Not that I mind. I quite like it. However, I have noticed some themes that I’d like to catch you up on. Lo! Ecce!

1. All the ‘vics’ are sexy and die in sexy ways from sexy crimes. Model dies in big martini glass. Gothic burlesque punk lezzer dancer dies in vampire crime of passion. Soon everyone in New York, Vegas, and Miami will be dead in sexy graves covered in Lingerie and used condoms.

2. Why don’t they turn the lights on? Ever. It’s always so dark, dimly lit by someone playing with their phone three miles away. How do they look at ‘clues’. I’m sure if they just flicked the big light on, the finger prints would be easier to detect, rather than having to resort to heating a rag up in a washing machine so particles of diamonds and truffles attach themselves to the DNA of a naughty man.

3. CSI: NY. That greek looking woman was obviously told she had amazing knockers, because each episode she sports a variety of low cut tops. Additionally, I think they’d probably find the naughty men quicker and concentrate on the task in hand if she put a lab coat over those big boys.

4. Horatio is a horrendously selfish actor. You know the drill by now, don’t you.

The shades and the looking down when the other actor is speaking so they can’t act off him. Then when they’ve finished their bit, he looks up, looks into the distance and delivers his line

“and that was his first mistake”

or

“And then that’s where we’re going”

5. Horatio always makes a promise to a child that he has to keep. I don’t know exactly this is supposed to reveal about Horatio. That he was let down a lot as a child? He’s not a total selfish cunt? That’s he’s going to ask them to make a promise to him at some point in the future?  One in the bank, mon frere.

If I think of any more, I’ll update, or please feel free to add some more in the ‘comments’ section that you see before your very eye units.