Letters to Dr. Angel

Dear Dr. Angel

I blush as I write this. Such an imperitnent and frivolous question to one so important. However, my heart clamours for answers and I know such answers can only be dispensed from one as wise as you.

Doctor, for many years now I have been admiring a young gentleman. I understand he has a personal fortune of a million lira a year, but o! Sweet Doctor, I care not for this.  This young man has a heart so gentle, a word so light, a guffaw so warm, and a butt that you could bend a spoon on, if you so desire it. I dare say he would handwash a cardigan that you had just bought, and didn’t want to put in the wash incase it ran.  It can be a bit Russian roulette you know, dear doctor. He has a countenance that would imply that he wouldn’t go to a strip club and that.

My ultimate aim is to be the winner of a ‘Hot body show’.  My esteemed friend, Lady Spinderella, says the only sure-fire strategem to win his freaky-deaky hear, is to enter a show of such hot bodies. tI understand that you are an expert on ‘hot body shows’ and was wondering whether you dispense any advice on such a persuit.I understand you cam first in the Hot Body Exhibition in Crystal Palace, where many people were committed to mental asylums, after pure exhaustion upon looking ‘pon your very frame.
O Doctor, can you advise me? How can you prepare oneself to win the hot body show.  I know I have to be number one.  I know I need to ‘push it’ in some form, but I know not what to ‘push’ and in what direction. Do I push it Eastwards? What if this interferes with East 17? If I push it West, might this infringe on Go West? Doctor, can you tell me what exactly is involved in a Hot Body Show?

O! and a thousand questions.

Much love


Lady Salt of Pepper

to be continued…