Guilty Pleasures: Blog Tagging

The lovely Mr Shev has again tagged me in a blog challenge. He desires to know of my ‘Guilty Pleasures’ and I promised him I would furnish him with tales of such. It’s been a while since he asked me, but I’m determined not to let him down, like a hired bouncy castle that no one played on.

Read his excellent blog here http://mrshev.com/2010/12/09/guilty-pleasures/

Firstly, if you believe everything you read in FHM and Nuts,you’d think that all women’s guilty pleasures involved hanging around in your underwear putting rollers in your mate’s hair who has come around for a sleep over and is also in a similar state of disrobement.

Fortunately for you, the world, and FHM readers, this is not a guilty pleasure of mine. No. I’m going to spare the world the mental image of that burnt on your throbbing cerebral cortex and give you one much less harrowing.

My guilty pleasures mostly involves shit telly

1. Coach Trip
2. The Biggest Loser
3. Come Dine With Me
4. The Hotel Inspector
5. Britain’s/Australia’s/America’s/Wigan’s Next Top Model
6. Anything involving make overs (Gok Wan, Trinny and Susannah, Ten Years Younger pre Myleene Klass).

All of these I LOVE to watch. My other half just can’t understand why I do this

“You’re an intelligent lass, I can’t believe you enjoy this shit”

Oh, but Cowwie, I do. I love no-thinking TV. I HATE watching anything to do with work as it feels like I’m still in work. My mum, in a misguided attempt to inform me, will ring me up “Sheds (as obviously that’s my real name), there’s a programme on kids with Woolly Brain Syndrome  on channel four at 9pm”.

Right, then at exactly that time I will be switching over to watch “I used to look like a battered old hag but now I’m quite tasty” on itv2. Or CSI. There’s always a CSI on.

Which brings me onto my next Guilty Pleasure. CSI Miami.

Why, these shades are just so…(stands side on)heavy

Oh it’s just ridiculous isn’t it? Horatio taking his glasses on and off like some kind of ginger automaton programmed to save kids and stand sideways. Alex the coroner with her saccharine sweet tears and “Poor baby. Looks like Heaven couldn’t wait for you, angel” lines that make me shout at the telly. Cally Du Cane and her tight tops and ridiculously long hair to be left down in a scientific environment where it’ll just contaminate all of the evidence and crime scenes. I hate it but I love it.

I’m so guilty.

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CSI ‘Under the Microscope’

CSI is constantly on channel 5. Not that I mind. I quite like it. However, I have noticed some themes that I’d like to catch you up on. Lo! Ecce!

1. All the ‘vics’ are sexy and die in sexy ways from sexy crimes. Model dies in big martini glass. Gothic burlesque punk lezzer dancer dies in vampire crime of passion. Soon everyone in New York, Vegas, and Miami will be dead in sexy graves covered in Lingerie and used condoms.

2. Why don’t they turn the lights on? Ever. It’s always so dark, dimly lit by someone playing with their phone three miles away. How do they look at ‘clues’. I’m sure if they just flicked the big light on, the finger prints would be easier to detect, rather than having to resort to heating a rag up in a washing machine so particles of diamonds and truffles attach themselves to the DNA of a naughty man.

3. CSI: NY. That greek looking woman was obviously told she had amazing knockers, because each episode she sports a variety of low cut tops. Additionally, I think they’d probably find the naughty men quicker and concentrate on the task in hand if she put a lab coat over those big boys.

4. Horatio is a horrendously selfish actor. You know the drill by now, don’t you.

The shades and the looking down when the other actor is speaking so they can’t act off him. Then when they’ve finished their bit, he looks up, looks into the distance and delivers his line

“and that was his first mistake”

or

“And then that’s where we’re going”

5. Horatio always makes a promise to a child that he has to keep. I don’t know exactly this is supposed to reveal about Horatio. That he was let down a lot as a child? He’s not a total selfish cunt? That’s he’s going to ask them to make a promise to him at some point in the future?  One in the bank, mon frere.

If I think of any more, I’ll update, or please feel free to add some more in the ‘comments’ section that you see before your very eye units.