Meeting Toby Anstis



Recently it came to my attention, I could win a competition. Not just any competition. A competition that centred around TEA!

As regular reader of the blog know (and I know there are regular readers as I get lots of lovely comments thanking me on the ‘content’ of my blog and it is EXACTLY what they are looking for. Admittedly, they use all the same phrases, but I’m sure that’s because my CONTENT is exactly what ANYONE would be looking for, so it’s divine coincidence, rather than vicious spam bots) that I love tea. Yes, I’m beveragely bonded and caught in a naughty love-game with tea. You may not know that a ‘Good heart’ by Feargal Sharkey was written about someone making you a decent brew. Yeah. It’s hard to find all right.

Anyway, I digress. Suffice to say, any sensible tea lover follows the Tetley tea folk on Twitter. They often have competitions like “what do you best love about tea?” or “what’s your favourite tea?” Searing stuff, but it sorts the wheat from the chaff in a competition arena.

The latest competition was, obviously, tea related and I’m pretty sure you could win some tea, or I wouldn’t have entered…but wait…there’s a catch…you win tea and get the chance to meet Heart FM’s Toby Anstis.

Look, the tea I’ll take, but meeting Toby…er…I’ve nothing against the fella, but what would you say to him?!

Seriously, I cannot think of a single thing to say to Toby Anstis. I mean, the conversation is going to get quite thin early on isn’t it?

Tetley worker: Er, Mr. Anstis, we’ll bring in the competition winner in a bit. Name’s Dr. Angel. Likes tea. Female, we think. You’ve got an hour to spend some time together and then you can take your tenner and fuck off.

Anstis: Nice one, pal (I assume Toby Anstis, uses the word ‘pal’ when being chummy)

Dr. Angel: er, hiya Toby, I’m Dr. Angel.

Anstis: Hi there, I’m Toby.

Dr. A: Pleased to meet you. So…you like tea?

Anstis: No not really. Are you a fan of Heart FM?

Dr. A: I’ve never heard of it to be honest. Is it a southern radio station? I only listen to radio phone ins when the host is particularly provocative and gets people riled up.

Anstis: Oh. Why did you enter then?

Dr. A: I fucking love tea.

Anstis: you watch any programmes I was on?

Dr. A: er, I think I saw you on an episode of come dine with me, but I’m not sure.

Anstis: Oh. Do you, er, drink tea?

Dr. A: I do, Toby, I do. So…

Anstis: Well…

Dr. A:  So…

Anstis: er

Dr. A: Toby, I’m going to the loo. Just go if you need to. There’s another 55 minutes to go.

Anstis: Thank fuck. I’m going to spend my tenner on Astrobelts.

So, Shedders, be careful what you enter. Whether that may be a complicated romantic liaison with a unstable co-worker, or an ill thought out tea fest. You may get more than you bargained for (an STD or Toby Anstis).