Short Plays: Quirky, Tortured Romance

Another thrilling installment of my short plays. This time, I thoroughly explore the genre of the quirky, tortured romance. I think I may have made up this genre, but you know the sort of film. It would probably have that Cera fello in it or that girl from Juno or the fat one from Superbad (noone can accuse me of not doing my research).

I first explored this genre as part of Milk Bottle Manifesto (learn more about it here ) a cause championed by my good friend, and writing partner, Sherby57. I was tentatively experimenting with the genre and hit on something quite profound, I’m sure you’ll agree, unless you’re some kind of mental sub-normal.  On bended knees, Sherby implored me, like a man posessed to develop this life changing dialog, and I was compelled to comply, to at least save Sherby’s mental wellbeing.

So here it is. Tissues at the ready.


 She: I can’t help but love you even though you have a squashy face!
He: Maybe you love me because I have a squashy face.You won’t realise this until you date a normal faced fellow and find yourself missing my haunting visage.
She: OK, I’ll get back to you after that.
He: OK. See you later

Short Play: Hard Hitting Harrowing Subject matter, that is topically relevant.

I don’t usually do requests, Shedders, unless it’s to get a round in at the Goitre and Shovel, my local, but today is an exception. A sparkling moment in a sea of shitty bollocks.

“what’s the difference that’s made the difference?” you cry, as you have all been collectively trained in the manner of solution focused brief therapy popularised by Steve DeShazer and Insoo Kim berg. You clever swine!

Well, I happened upon this video ‘Rap against Rape’ that was tweeted by Saliwho.

If you’re so lazy you can’t be arsed to click on that link, PLEASE RECONSIDER. This is a video that is unparalleled, not only in its awareness raising that “rape is wrong” and that every one of all ages can be raped “even a simple child”.

Heavy Stuff. This is punctuated with some great mime by the dancers at the beginning. Miming the terror that might be on a woman’s face if she were about to be raped. Moving.

Apparently rape has been happening for ‘some time’ according to RAR, which was filmed in the early nineties, which makes it sound like it has been around since approximately 1985.

The ‘rappers’ are cunningly disguised as electricians wearing ‘dad jeans’ and moustaches meanwhile their angry sister, modelling herself on Yazz, stomps angrily in the background, occasionally shaking a fist, miming “what did I do wrong?”.

What didn’t you do wrong? That dance is just the tip of the iceberg. I remember my mate Liz doing a dance like that at the local underage disco. She didn’t get off with anyone that night.

Ah, I see! Effective.

Anyway, my pal, Sherby57, asked me if I’d write one of my famous short plays about ‘da issuez’. I’m not sure which issue he’d like me to raise awareness of, so I’ve chosen to use all of them. Possibly interchangeably. Not rape though. I think ‘Rap Against Rape’ have made the position on rape perfectly clear.


Ok here’s the short play:


person 1: Don’t do that, it’s wrong.

person 2: Is it?

Person 1: Yes. It hurts people/the environment/animals in some direct or indirect form.

Person 2: Really? I did not know that.

Person 1: Yes, it does. Can you stop it?

Person 2: Sure thing. Thank you for opening my eyes.

Person 1: You’re not even going to put up a fight?

Person 2: Your argument was very erudite and cogent, so no. And I fancy you slightly.

Person 1: Can you not put up a bit more of a struggle?

Person 2: No, sorry. I don’t like doing wrong things.