Kingdom Brass Youth

A recent e-mail correspondence:

Abbey Tarte (

We regret to inform you that your employment with Argon Electronics UK Ltd is being terminated. 
Your termination is the result of the following violations of company policy:
- H38 69 28.03.2012
- H38 20 28.03.2012
- H38 40 28.03.2012

You were issued written warnings on 13.08.2014. As stated in your final warning, you needed to take 
steps to correct your behavior by 15.09.2014. Your failure to do so has resulted in your termination. 
To appeal this termination, you must return written notification of your intention to appeal to
 Jay Feeley in Argon Electronics UK Ltd no later than 06:00PM on 26.09.2014.

Abbey Tarte

Dear Abbey
I must say, your e mail came as a great surprise, being fired from a job that I didn’t know I had.
 I am sorry to hear that my behaviour has brought disgrace on the good name or Argon Electronics, the Beast and Monolith of the Electronics World. It is with a heavy heart I have knowledge of the shame I have caused the company that invented the Roto-turnip, the ice cream press and Robocop. I hope the company’s reputation and stock can recover. I think Argon Electronics holds a warm and fuzzy place in many of our hearts. Especially since most of us can remember getting our first Argon Jesuit Chaser.
It is with complete acceptance and humility that I accept my termination. I do not know what H38 69 28.03.2012 is but it must be pretty bad. Maybe part of the infringement was me not coming in to work, not being on the payroll and not making the daily commute from the North West of England to Bedfordshire. Unforgivable. I was once sacked from a restaurant because I coudn’t carry three plates at once. Perhaps my plate carrying shame has caught up with me?
Anyway, I really appreciate you mailing me and letting me know from your personal e mail account. How’s Kingdom Brass Youth working out for you? I always have dreams I’m playing brass instruments really well but in actual fact the nearest I’ve got to playing brass was stroking some horse brasses in a country pub. I’m not sure what this dream means, probably something about dicks. Hope Argon gives you some recompense for you not mailing from work. It must be difficult to hold down a high powered job in Argon and all the hooker and coke fuelled hedonism of Youth Brass bands.
good luck to you.
Dr. Angel

2 thoughts on “Kingdom Brass Youth

  1. Huh. I bet it was a crap job anyway. But you have to feel sorry for the poor terminatee who turned up for work on Monday morning to find their desk had been let out to a group of travelling nasal hair crimpers who were in desperate need of accommodation on account of the fact that the desk was no longer needed innit?

    I had a worrying text from my bank the other day to ask if it had indeed been my good self who had used my debit card details to make eleven separate purchases totalling over $850(!) from COSTUME.COM between 11pm the previous night and 4am that very morning. It wasn’t me, but having looked at some of the outfits on offer I must say I’m damned tempted. Especially by the pirate party princess in pink!
    The bank have now sent me a lovely new card in a different colour with a different number and everything. It’s great.

    And what sort of a name is “Abbey”, anyway? Does she think she’s half a Beatles LP or something?

    ever yours Gx

  2. Sorry, I didn’t have my own email at the time – but a Sinclair ZX Spectrum is still a wonderfully useful computer to have – so I gave yours.

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