Thomas Bangaltar’s Bang Altar: Part 2

Good Day

I return. My name is Mister Thomas Bangaltar. I like to investigate religions. It give me a break from making the music. Some times when I play the music my bottom get sore from sitting down so I have to get up and investigate subjects.

My favourite subject at school was religious studies. I had a teacher with brown eyes and curly hair. He was short and thin. He was about 45 years old. His name was Monseiur Active. He was my friend. He said I did good. I like religion since. Monsieur Active he used to meet us in the sixth form block at break times. He used to be at the bars where we would go to. He would talk to us and purchase us Absinthe and Pernod. He said he was our friend.

Here is the Religion I have been invetigating: Jewism

Jews like god. They no like what he did recently though. They only like his old stuff. They say his recent stuff was not as good so they no read it. It a bit like when Frasier got a bit merde.

Jew god, he no like bald men. He is a vengeful god. He punish bald people by making them wear doily for putting the glasses on the table. He say bald men’s head reflect his face in unfavourable way from up in the sky. Like when you look in spoon when your mum give you your petit filou once you have finished your croque-madame. God no like this. He also no like artificial lighting, so he make all jew houses have lots of mood lighting in the form of candelabras. God like to be seen in flattering light. He no like superbowl lights.

That is all I have found out. Good day to you.

Respectful wishes


4 thoughts on “Thomas Bangaltar’s Bang Altar: Part 2

  1. It’s the hair, isn’t it? It was always about the hair. Oh God, if only I’d known. Would I have sent the kids out on a fruitless quest to find a bottle of Bayliss and Harding Wild Rose and Raspberry Leaf handwash if I’d been able to see where things were heading with the hair? Probably, because it makes me smell like a tub of loukoumi. But. God. The hair.

    • There was a RE teacher at my school who regularly told us that he thought that he believed that his dog thought that he was God because he provided for all the beast’s needs and comforts. The thought of it still makes me shudder. Oh. And thanks a lot. I’m banned from the library now. You and your helpful suggestions.

      • Dear g. It seems to me that it all checks out. God is indeed dog backwards so it makes sense that this is totally reasonable assumption for any teacher to make. I heartily apologise for any library mishaps but you really must be careful about the selections you make…your sauce will be your undoing.

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