Meeting Toby Anstis



Recently it came to my attention, I could win a competition. Not just any competition. A competition that centred around TEA!

As regular reader of the blog know (and I know there are regular readers as I get lots of lovely comments thanking me on the ‘content’ of my blog and it is EXACTLY what they are looking for. Admittedly, they use all the same phrases, but I’m sure that’s because my CONTENT is exactly what ANYONE would be looking for, so it’s divine coincidence, rather than vicious spam bots) that I love tea. Yes, I’m beveragely bonded and caught in a naughty love-game with tea. You may not know that a ‘Good heart’ by Feargal Sharkey was written about someone making you a decent brew. Yeah. It’s hard to find all right.

Anyway, I digress. Suffice to say, any sensible tea lover follows the Tetley tea folk on Twitter. They often have competitions like “what do you best love about tea?” or “what’s your favourite tea?” Searing stuff, but it sorts the wheat from the chaff in a competition arena.

The latest competition was, obviously, tea related and I’m pretty sure you could win some tea, or I wouldn’t have entered…but wait…there’s a catch…you win tea and get the chance to meet Heart FM’s Toby Anstis.

Look, the tea I’ll take, but meeting Toby…er…I’ve nothing against the fella, but what would you say to him?!

Seriously, I cannot think of a single thing to say to Toby Anstis. I mean, the conversation is going to get quite thin early on isn’t it?

Tetley worker: Er, Mr. Anstis, we’ll bring in the competition winner in a bit. Name’s Dr. Angel. Likes tea. Female, we think. You’ve got an hour to spend some time together and then you can take your tenner and fuck off.

Anstis: Nice one, pal (I assume Toby Anstis, uses the word ‘pal’ when being chummy)

Dr. Angel: er, hiya Toby, I’m Dr. Angel.

Anstis: Hi there, I’m Toby.

Dr. A: Pleased to meet you. So…you like tea?

Anstis: No not really. Are you a fan of Heart FM?

Dr. A: I’ve never heard of it to be honest. Is it a southern radio station? I only listen to radio phone ins when the host is particularly provocative and gets people riled up.

Anstis: Oh. Why did you enter then?

Dr. A: I fucking love tea.

Anstis: you watch any programmes I was on?

Dr. A: er, I think I saw you on an episode of come dine with me, but I’m not sure.

Anstis: Oh. Do you, er, drink tea?

Dr. A: I do, Toby, I do. So…

Anstis: Well…

Dr. A:  So…

Anstis: er

Dr. A: Toby, I’m going to the loo. Just go if you need to. There’s another 55 minutes to go.

Anstis: Thank fuck. I’m going to spend my tenner on Astrobelts.

So, Shedders, be careful what you enter. Whether that may be a complicated romantic liaison with a unstable co-worker, or an ill thought out tea fest. You may get more than you bargained for (an STD or Toby Anstis).



6 thoughts on “Meeting Toby Anstis

  1. I drink coffee. Almost exclusively. Dr Angel, does this make me a terrible person?

    There’s a Heart fm around here. I avoid it. One morning, walking to work, I saw a Heart fm RangeRover parked by the side of the road. Standing by it was a Heart fm dj calling himself Jack Thee Lad and he wanted to talk. I told him to fuck off because it was too early in the day to deal with his kinda sheeeit. Does this make me a terrible person too? Does it Dr Angel? Does it really?

    • Thee? Was he a quaker and referring to the lord that dwells within us all? I understand Quakers say “thee” instead of “you”. Unless the internet is lying to me, and I’m sure it’s all true as it’s typed and everything.

      You’re not a terrible person for that g. You’re a terrible person for the OTHER stuff. I still heart you though.

      • Drst DR A
        I don’t think he’s a quaker. He’s many things, but not that. But yes, t’internet’s all true.
        And HAH! It’s the OTHER stuff makes me such a cheeky little sauce-pot.
        Heart you too.

      • Then you know every one of the words on my blog is based in truth based factual analysis.

        Looking forward to reading about all the other stuff in due course! A bit of sauciness brightens an otherwise dull day.

  2. If I told you ANYTHING about the OTHER stuff Sheds, your fingernails would CURL, your nipples would BLEED, your eyes would POP and you’d spend a QUARTER of your LIFE with caps lock ON. Not a PRETTY future to look forward to, I’m SURE you’d agree.
    I’ll probably write about it soon.

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