Scamming the Scammers: the Army Scam and Reply

Dear Shedders

As you know, I like nothing better than to rake through my junk e mail box looking for scams to wind up when I’m feeling in a particularly devlish mood. Here’s my latest offering From Sherry F. Bales. I presume F stands for ‘Full of shit’

Greetings,
>
> I know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to
> you proposing a sensitive business transaction of this nature.Apart from
> being surprise you may be skeptical and refuse to reply because based on
> what is happening on the internet world, one has to be very careful
> because a lot of scammers are out there to scam innocent citizens and this
> makes it very difficult for people to believe anything that comes through
> the internet.Most of these scams is about requesting for money to be sent
> to a supposed partner who is usually the originator of the transaction.But
> this is a different case as I will never request for money from you
> neither will you be sending any money to me for any reason.But however,at
> the same time,I must say that I am very uncomfortable sending this message
> to you without knowing if you would misconstrue its importance and
> possibly decides to go public.I would therefore be holding back certain
> information for security reasons until you have found the time to visit
> both the BBC and VOA news websites below to enable you have a historical
> insight into what I intend sharing with you,believing that it would be of
> your desired interest one way or the other.
>
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm
> http://www.voanews.com/burmese/archive/2003-04/a-2003-04-20-1-1.cfm (VOA
> NEWS)
>
> With the hope that you have visited the above news site,I like to inform
> you that I am one of the privilege US army officers who were involved in
> counting and safe-keeping of the stashed funds reported in the BBC News
> story.I was one of the five officers questioned by military authorities as
> also reported in that news story.My name is Sherry F. Bales,a member of
> the U.S. ARMY USARPAC Medical Team,currently in service disengagement
> process from Iraq.Since the war has just officially ended I would like to
> share some information about my personal experience and the role which I
> played in the pursuit of my career serving under the U.S 1st Armored which
> was at the fore-front of the war in Iraq.
>
> I will be vivid and very explicit in my next message but before I do so I
> will appreciate your sending me an email confirming that you have visited
> the site and that you have understood my intentions.This is to enable us
> discuss in a more clarifying manner to the best of your
> understanding,bearing in mind that the essence of this message is strictly
> for mutual benefit for both of us and nothing more.The amount involved is
> very huge but I rather duel more on the issue of your acceptance to
> collaborate with me,your capability,trust,honesty and reliability without
> which we cannot succeed.I do assure you that we both stand to gain
> enormously from the expected collaboration if we both receive the
> cooperation desired for the success of a transaction of this nature.
>
> So for us to commence send me an email confirming that you have visited
> the above news sites and that you have understood my intentions and also
> proving me with just your full names and contact address,your age and
> profession/occupation for consideration to enable me give you more info
> and details.Let us communicate through only email for now with the
> assurance from me that we shall speak on phone when the time comes.I will
> await your thoughts via my email
>
> Thanks and Best Regards
> Sherry F. Bales

Dear Sherry

Imagine my intrigue at receiving your e-mail. I am hearty reassured that you send me your missive saying that you are not requesting money, as, as a humble abbatoir trainee slaughter person, I have only fifty pesetas to my name.

Any business of the army’s is of the utmost intrigue to my febrile mind. When I tell you the following, heartfelt narrative, you will soon be sensible of why. Well, dear, Sherry, as a lady army solider, I’m sure you’ll understand. Once I gave a blowie to a squaddie that I met on a dating sight called ‘plenty of freaks dot com’. Yes, he could only message me in a strange letter-numeral pattwa: “how r u hunni? It’s g8 2 c u”. At first I thought it was prince (the artist formally known as symbol) but when he revealed to me that his name was Seargeant Asscraft, I had a feeling it wasn’t.

Anyway, now I have revealed some sensitive info about myself, I trust you will make me totally sensible of your intentions and my part in this. I can assure you that if you have any handsome squaddies, I would be more than happy to provide my assistance. If they have served in Iraq or Iran, I would be more than happy to pour soothing balms and tinctures on their twisted brows. Maybe an aromatherapy massage. No funny business like. I have an almost blemish free record. I am sure I have assured you of my integrity as a person. It may help you to know I am a person friend of both Chaka Demus AND Pliers.

Dr. Angel

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Valentine’s Day Ideas

Oooh, Grab a spoon love!

Here at World of Sheds, we’re the romantic sort. The sort that thinks nothing of popping to aldi and buying a bottle of Toro Loco and a packet of multi grain bakes to treat the object of her affections. Yes, I know, it’s dizzyingly romantic. Imagine. Just imagine if YOU were my gentleman friend! I’d say all manner or erotic things in your ear like ‘occipital lobes’. Grr!

Anyway, to that end, I thought I’d share with you some ideas for a romantic night in with the object of your affections. Shh. Before you say it. I know. I get it. It’s me isn’t it? I’m the object of your affections. Sadly, I can’t spend the night with all of you this valentine’s day. For a start, I’ve work the next day and I’ve a nasty rash, so I’ll just try and get round as many of you as possible. Make sure you have a moonpig valentine’s card ready and some dustsheets. You might think of covering all the electricals also, as I’m not insured for my ‘practices’.

Anyway, on to the romantic night ideas, just in case you’re spending it with a lesser mortal.

Right guys, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that women love things that come in powder form. It’s obvious really. You’d have to be some sort of flat faced nazi to not know really. Is that how you want me to think of you?

So, when your lady comes home from work, why not treat her to a beautiful big bowl of dry Horlicks powder and watch her tuck in with glee. Feel those sensual shivers down your spine as you watch the dry powder get all claggy in her mouth. Then for the main course, it’s a bowl of Bird’s custard powder. She’ll know you love her. Sadly, she won’t be able to say “thank you darling!” as her saliva is completely dried up and sticking her molars together. I know, it’s turning you on just thinking about it. Just remember, girls love napkins folded in the shape of crude vaginas. Pop some wasasbi nuts in there too.

Hey. Skip dessert. Go on. By now you are both feeling as sensual as a pair of elephant seals on the coast, lead her by the hand to the groping chamber vestibule and lick lines of icing sugar off each other. If you’re role playing, pretend it’s naughty drugs! Imagine!

By this time, the chairs will be piling up downstairs and the appliances will all be feeling pretty disappointed, as is always the case on a valentine’s night. You’ve both really pushed the envelope. You’ve never felt so wrong with your powder based exploits. You naughty pair! Then, you wonder the eternal question. Would it be taking too far and ruin the mood if you gave her a spoonful of Nescafe? Other blokes girlfriends do it, and all the women’s magazines tell women it’s OK to try it and all the sisters are doing. Maybe just get her to try a couple of grains to see whether she’d like it. Let’s face it guys, she’d eat the coffee granules if she loved you right?

Enjoy yourselves.

the love doctor Angel.