CSI ‘Under the Microscope’

CSI is constantly on channel 5. Not that I mind. I quite like it. However, I have noticed some themes that I’d like to catch you up on. Lo! Ecce!

1. All the ‘vics’ are sexy and die in sexy ways from sexy crimes. Model dies in big martini glass. Gothic burlesque punk lezzer dancer dies in vampire crime of passion. Soon everyone in New York, Vegas, and Miami will be dead in sexy graves covered in Lingerie and used condoms.

2. Why don’t they turn the lights on? Ever. It’s always so dark, dimly lit by someone playing with their phone three miles away. How do they look at ‘clues’. I’m sure if they just flicked the big light on, the finger prints would be easier to detect, rather than having to resort to heating a rag up in a washing machine so particles of diamonds and truffles attach themselves to the DNA of a naughty man.

3. CSI: NY. That greek looking woman was obviously told she had amazing knockers, because each episode she sports a variety of low cut tops. Additionally, I think they’d probably find the naughty men quicker and concentrate on the task in hand if she put a lab coat over those big boys.

4. Horatio is a horrendously selfish actor. You know the drill by now, don’t you.

The shades and the looking down when the other actor is speaking so they can’t act off him. Then when they’ve finished their bit, he looks up, looks into the distance and delivers his line

“and that was his first mistake”


“And then that’s where we’re going”

5. Horatio always makes a promise to a child that he has to keep. I don’t know exactly this is supposed to reveal about Horatio. That he was let down a lot as a child? He’s not a total selfish cunt? That’s he’s going to ask them to make a promise to him at some point in the future?  One in the bank, mon frere.

If I think of any more, I’ll update, or please feel free to add some more in the ‘comments’ section that you see before your very eye units.

3 thoughts on “CSI ‘Under the Microscope’

  1. horatio is an egotistical anal retentrive with a white knight syndrome, smug bastard.
    i saw an episode recently where they were using their torches in daylight in the open.
    product placement rules.product placement rules , depends how you say it .

  2. I heart CSI:NY because Stella’s hot, Danny’s lovably flawed & Mac’s a bit of a fascist. All good there. And Watching it reminds me of being there. Vegas irritates because Larry Fishburn, much though I admire and yes, love the man, is just wrong for the part. And Grissom was simply far too wise and ethereal for my bowels to contend with. The ensemble players are too impossibly well groomed and exclusively dressed to be in any danger of colliding with reality. And there are always those silly little torches when there’s a perfectly good electricity supply available. Are they trying to save the polly bear or something? Which brings us to Miami. Horatio is indeed a selfish actor who avoids subtlety like it wants to roger him in a drunken frenzy. But he is constantly dominated by the surreal colour filter effects. The colours! Who needs chemicals? Sorry if I’ve wandered, really not well I think it the tonsils again. X

  3. I’ve never, ever seen one single episode of CSI anything. I can hardly believe it, because I watch loads of old shit instead.

    But, as a polite visitor, I’ll say “YEAH. IT’S ALL TRUE.”

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