I’ve found a few things out recently. I’d like to share them with you. You may have already seen me writing about this on Twitter. Well done. You’re so flash. Bet you’ve a leather bomber jacket and a basket ball net on your garage.
- Facebook is an extended forum for showing off. Why stop at showing off about you? Why not extended your showing off potential and show off about your kids (essentially showing off about yourself, as it’s your genes), your wife, how good-looking you are, how much fun you’re having etc! Oh how I wish I was YOU with your kid winning all those races at sports day! CRUEL WORLD! PS. what’s with the friend requests from people you’ve NEVER MET? Even same-sex people? I can understand fellas taking a punt seeing if they can chat you up, but WOMEN asking to be my friend and they don’t know me? I really am speechless.
- Charity muggers can’t see you if you stay still. I tried this today. I sat right next to two of them and they never bothered me. The town which I work is usually teeming with chuggers, all using dirty tricks to get you to stop. Most loathsome, I saw a girl flirting with some fellas to get them to stop and talk to her. Not a day goes past where some crusty doesn’t try to grapple me to the floor and try to prise £2 out of my wallet and leave my bloodied carcass battered and for the homeless children to sell my organs. Anyway, I have concluded that chuggers are all fitted with motion sensors and it only activates their chugger chip when movement is detected. Think about the scene when Jean-Claude Van Damme gets covered in mud and the predator can’t see him. Next time you see one, stand still and they’ll look right through you.
- If you are a woman and you’re going to a fancy dress party, you must get a ‘sexy’ outfit. in our local fancy dress store there’s a whole wall of ‘sexy trades’. Think of all the jobs you can do in the world, and Aladdin’s cave has a sexy version of it. Sexy policewoman, sexy builder, sexy sailor. You name it, there’s not one job you can’t make sexy. I’m thinking of marketing ‘sexy gas fitter’ and ‘sexy insurance broker’ as next in this long line of slutty apparel.
thhhhhhh…it’s gonna cost you mate. You’re not lookin’ at a one day job here. Gotta rip the whole bloody thing out.