Dear Dr. Angel
I’m really stuck and I don’t know where to turn. I’m a total slag, but I can’t seem to make people realise. I really would love to promote public awareness of my lack of sexual inhibitions, but I can’t seem to get the message through to my partner. I’ve tried snogging girls in nightclubs to get fellas to look at me, but it just doesn’t get that much of a reaction these days as everyone seems to be doing it. Oh Doctor Angel, what can I do?
Amanda, 27, Runcorn
It’s tough being a slag. Not that I know, but I can imagine from watching ‘What Katie did next’ and I’ve gleaned some of this through watching ‘Club Reps’. It can be really frustrating when people don’t let on by, say, propositioning you with a seeded batch or frotting you as you rub yourself up and down a pillar, pretending to be a pole dancer, in Buskers night spot or Sylvester’s night club.
Amanda, the most direct route you can take into promoting public awareness is to put a playboy bunny motif on your Peugeot 206. Also, why not consider wearing either a wrist watch or a belly ring with this motif on it? Playboy motifs have become synonymous with loose morals, and this can’t fail to get your message across. Give a few blowies for cigarettes to really seal the deal.
However, please be aware that a playboy bunny motif DOES NOT make you attractive/kittenish. In fact, if you are remotely unattractive, the motif will only serve to exacerbate this ridiculous juxtaposition.
Hope that helps. Happy slagging.