My Junk

Hello Shedders,

That young lassie, Ke$ha, has a song out, called ‘Tick Tock’ in which she says

I’m talking everyone getting crunk

Boys tryna touch my junk

I really can empathise. This is a really tricky issue. I know I’m constantly being bothered by young lads interfering with the burnt out pram in the front garden, the part of an electricity pylon,  and the twsited frame of a Raleigh Burner. Not a week goes by, shed fans, when a stong young man doesn’t try to reach out and touch my oriental fishing boat .  God, I try to chase them away, but they run too fast and I really can’t make a chase when I’m smoking my Regal Kingsize. I may drop it for starters.

Ke$ha. I feel your pain. Why won’t they just touch our arses instead?

19 thoughts on “My Junk

  1. Oh, you girls and your teasingly teasing discarded household products. You know how to drive us fellas wild.

    I can just imagine touching a dented can of Castrol GTX that’s been in your grarage since the 1980s. Phwoarrr!!!


    You said arses. He he he.

      • If you’re going to leave Stefan challenges like trying to get dried up emulsion off an old roller tray then you’re just asking for trouble. Dennis is a fiend for old decorating supplies. It’s really his ‘bag’.

  2. one gals junk is another mans toy. hey, we can`t stop our selves and can you blame us( actually, i`m sure you could) , all those bits lying around, tempting us with their wanton discardence and funky junkiness.
    after all, who could resist a quick touche of an oriental fishing boat

  3. Why won’t they reach out and touch our arses? That question kept many men awake for many nights.
    Read ALL the blogs dear Doctor. Look around you, for there are many more than the two you’ve discovered so far. Well, there’s one more, anyway.
    If you write ‘blogs’ here you get the wavy red line under the word. The first alternative suggestion is globs! We want the finest globs available to humanity and we want them now. I have no hump in my back garden. It’s all too exposed, don’t you know.


    • Oooh, there’s more..Where???

      I’m really down on my arse touching quota this month. I’m afriad I won’t be able to ring the bell in the sales office so my colleagues know how successful I am.

  4. My arse hasn’t been touched ONCE this month. Not accidentally, anyway, and they’re the touches that count. Accidental arse touching is so intense, don’t you find?
    I don’t have colleagues, only employees. Is there a connection, Dr Angel?
    Yes there’s more. You have to look.

    • I can see where you’re driving with an accidental arse touch, G, but I wanted to scientifically test your theory.

      I took 20 people, and assigned them to Group ‘A’ and touched their arse accidentally, and asked them to complete a questionnaire regarding the intensity of their feelings. I then took Group B ( a sample of 20) and touched their arses on purpose. I administered the same questionniare. I then took Group 4 security, roughly, by the shirt collars.

      The results revealed that science is fun.

      • Science IS fun. Especially when it involves indiscriminate accidental arse touching. This can range from the lightest brush with the finger tip (or whatever extremity is closest, most convenient, least obviously diseased etc.) to a full on violent thrust.
        You just have to be able to run away quickly afterwards if
        i) you’re male, and
        ii) you have just given the goose to half of the Tarring Maxwell Rugby League and Part-Time Amateur Would-be Homo Lynching Squad in one mad, reckless arse touching event. You don’t worry about questionnaires in those circumstances, I assume.

  5. if it moves like amazement, sounds like amazement,looks like amazement then it`s probably amazing.
    hmm! let me think… junk,hillock,arse touching.. oh i don`t know which one i like best. i know, lets mix it up then we`d have jullocking, now that sounds like fun. what do you think?

  6. I’d say so. Self abuse never hurt anyone. Except that fellow who they found wrapped in a bin liner and choked on a tangerine. He should have just grasped his own buttock.

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