Bad Romance Part 2: Clippit

 

You look like you’re getting undressed. Can I help you with that?

Here we see Clippit. Sexy and fascistic.   Oh he’s so proud! He’s an absolute nightmare to date though. You may have seen me talk about  (drunkenly) on Sherby57’s blog http://sherby57.co.uk/2010/01/23/clippit/.  Oh he’s an absolute beast! When we went to the pub as soon as you even go to stand up he’s all “you look like you’re going to the bar, can I help you with that?” and I’d be like “Jesus clippit, I’m going the bog”. 

If I spend too much, he gets all bent out of shape, turns into an exclamation mark and tells me to ‘save’ what I’m doing. When he’d come around to mine, we’d be watching TV, I’d have a hard day at work and just want to lie, comatose, on the settee.  Oh he wouldn’t like that. He’d be tapping me all the time. Then I’d lose it with him and start shouting at him for tapping me with his little wiry finger thing.  He’d reply “you look like you’re getting angry. Can I help you with that?” The sarcastic bastard. Then he’d say “Do you want me to rub your feet?  Do you want to turn into your mother?  Do you want to take out your issues with your ex-boyfriend on me?  Would you like to bring up the incident from the past when I wet the bed that you always bring up when we have an argument?”

He knows me so well. Darn Clippit. Anyway, see a lovely portrait of him that I did. I know it’s a bit risqué, with me doing a nude portrait of him, but he really is quite proud of his body.  He is an overbearing piece of stationary, but swit-swoo!

7 thoughts on “Bad Romance Part 2: Clippit

  1. The guy just wants to help but he’s just so overbearing. I struggle to maintain my friendship with him, I just don’t write enough letters for it to be a viable relationship.

    Don’t tell him I said so, though. He’s got a horrendous temper and he could have your eye out with his wiry hands. The cock.

  2. He’s even worse now he’s out of work. He just tries to advise me on everything as it makes him feel validated. “you look like you’re changing the channel” “you look like you’re making a brew” “consider omitting this stock phrase” I don’t know how much I can take. I let him come around as I’m worried as to what he’ll do, feeling this useless. The other day I caught him bending his whole body into a straight line and the day before he was covering himself in tippex. Worrying.

  3. At the end of the day, you can’t let anybody interfere with your usage of the old stock phrases, to be fair.

    I know that he has problems, but you’ve got to cut toxic people (and paper clips) out of your life. I know it’s harsh, but you have to look after yourself.

  4. clip,clip,clip,clippit on down
    to munkey town
    you look angrier
    than a jug of sangria
    i`ll bend my body
    `till it looks like noddy
    then you can tippex me over
    a four leaf clover
    clip,clip,clip,clippit on down, bebe

  5. Pingback: A Week of Sherby57: 17th Jan – 23rd Jan 2010 « Pour Some Gravy On Me

  6. This is not true unless Clippit either has more of a past than I was aware of or is cheating on me, which he isn’t. Believe me, I know, as Clippy and I have been married for nearly eight years. For our anniversary this year, we plan to renew our vows in PowerPoint! We love each other very much, but believe me, we have our differences. (He’s highly jealous of fellow Office Assistant Merlin, who was his high school nemesis!)

    • That clippit is a scoundrel. For a start, he throws t shirts at me in my dreams, and second, he’s actually married! I can tell you, missy, when he touches your t shirt, he’s thinking of me. YES! ME! When he touches your goitre, he’s dreaming of my hairy armpits. When he is whispering quadratic equations into your ear, he’s pretending he’s talking dirty to me. Ooh yeah. He’s whispering ” you look like you’re starting a fucking letter. Let me help you with that”. Who wouldn’t be aroused?

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