- The Burscough bogle
- The Body Ripple Bishop
- The cockroach Granstand
- The Highbrow Car Valeter
- The Dreamy Waster
- Mynah Bird Madness
- The Internet Date
- The Persistant Stalker
- The Economics Teacher who refuses to talk about Economics, Ergonomics or Metrosexuals.
I shall be mostly favouring ‘The Kenny Logan’, but this is only for advanced dancers such as myself. Do not attempt this move without supervison, a prescription for Fisherman’s friends, an ASBO and a spillage kit.
Yours ”shakin da booty"
Make the best of your appearance
Here are some ideas:
- Don’t dress generically, find a stylish fashionable look, use magazine advertisements for ideas. (DR. A: unless the magazine is ‘Honcho’, but whatever turns you on)
- Ask a top stylist what the best hair style for you would be. (Dr. A: probably over your face)
- Manage your nose hair.
- Shape your eyebrows. (Dr. A: Better still, pluck them out and draw them on in green biro)
- Get in shape. (Dr. A: for example, a rhomboid or a dodecahedron)
- Fix your posture.
- Would you look better with a tan?
So, don’t dress ‘generically’ you fucking losers. Yes, you would look better with some sun damage and ‘manage’ your nose hair?? What, like, make sure it’s annual leave is up to date and isn’t going home early on a friday?? ‘
Here are some ideas to ‘open’ a conversation with ‘the enemy’ (women) from PUA training:
Here are some ‘good’ example of PUA Openers:
- Hey, the word for the day is legs, let’s go back to my place and spread the word
- Pardon me miss, I’m drunk, are you cute?
- Are those f*ck me eyes or f*ck you eyes?
- If I were you, I’d be all over me
- Do you have any raisins? No, then how about a date
- Is it just you or is it hot in here?
- You might be asked to leave soon, you’re making the other women look bad
- I’ve got this magic watch that tells me whether you are wearing underwear or not. Your not. Oh damn it must be an hour fast.
- Anything drugs can do I can do with my tongue
- My place. 10 O’clock. Bring a friend
Well there you have it. What are you waiting for? Number 9 doesn’t even make sense.
Read the rap and imagine a rap in manner of Fun Lovin’ Criminals ‘Big Night Out’. There’s a lesson for all you PUAs (pick up artists) at the end. Moral and Music-worthy, that’s the world of sheds ethos! That and always remember your ‘spillage kit’.
So’s I can walk into bars and pick up chicks
I sees me a girl and I throw her some ‘negs’
"hey girl, nice tits, shame about those legs"
So I slap her on the ass and I call her a whore
She flicks her hair and she flicks the Vs
But I know later on, she’ll be down on her knees
And it’s all about The Style and it’s all about the Mystery
Dangle that string, make her think she’s history
she dances to my tune and tries to prove me wrong
Tell her she’s cold so she shows me she’s warm
Gonna neg this bitch til the breakadawn
Indifference triumphs and she takes me home
I’m the hottest PUA that the world has ever known
let her know she’s hot, but she think I don’t care
Now if she’s the cat, I’m the motherfuckin string
This bar, in this moment, i’m the motherfuckin’ king
Now this bitch be too easy, she gave it up to soon
A night of negs and I’m back in her room
What kind of girl does shit like this?
Was it me she liked or did she like The Tricks?
Is it me or the tricks? Man, I need to know!
I’m feeling bad, so I need to score
So I’m back in the bar, callin this babe a whore