"You crazy babe, Bathsheba, I want ya. You’re suffocating, you need, a good shed" sang Black Francis. And don’t we all agree with that sentiment? Of course. Anyone would.
In other matters, I have a propsal. What we need in this country is an Institute of Grinding and Bogling. This Instiute will fly in action should anyone be wrongly accused of ‘grinding’ and/or ‘bogling’ or any illegal grinding acts can be addressed by the proper channels.
If someone is incorrectly accused of Grinding (haven’t we all been? I know I have on at least 100 seperate occasions, each one more extravangant than the last) an application can be made to the Insitute to investigate. This will be done by interviewing several sources (usually, Cardinal Mazarin, Cardinal Richelieu, le Dauphin and le Roi de Soleil) and reviewing video footage of alleged grinding.If allegations are largely insubstantiated, and injunction and legal proceedings will follow. The slanderer will be dealt the punishment of watching MTV’s ‘The Grind’ until they can correctly idenitfy all 68 components of a ‘grind’. They will then be forced to pull out all their eyelashes and categorise them into either ‘fluttery’ or ‘spindly’.
I put it to you that such an insitute will save so much heartache and wrong doing in society. Soon we shall all be able to roam the streets without fear of facing an illegal bogle. no longer shall we fear being in a nightclub where some inebriated young chap decides to lock you in a ‘reverse unsolicited grind’ (this is a move where a gentleman approaches you from behind, so you can’t run, and puts his arms around you and then gyrates suggestively into your back). Won’t the world be a better place? Won’t it make us all cry out "P’Tang Yang Kipperbang".
and now I rest. I feel all flushed now, and only essence of radiator water can restore my senses.
Until the next time, stay safe
Your pal in all ‘dance’ matters
Dr. A to the motherfuckin Gel