excerpt from upcoming novel alert…

 
 ‘Poor Henry, looking up adoringly at his mistress Lucretia.  he smiles even though she beats him, as some bodily contact with her is better than none at all.  His love for her is like a spanner inside, tightening his workings, a hard fist crushing his vacuum bag, a heavy, unforgiving foot standing on his hose. ‘

*

‘A Hoover called It’ by Henry T. Hoover. The story of one hoover’s struggle against cruelty.

why does Hamlet procratinate? A level English Lit study page courtesy of Dr. angel

Hello there, WoS enthusiasts. 
 
I love giving back to society, and it’s not just because of the court order that I have on me following a lewd act in Netto, just because I’m a true philanthropist.  In the spirit of true philanthropy here is a handy study guide for those studying the bard’s greatest work, Hamlet. 
 
One quesiton that is oft asked in a level and GCSE texts is ‘why does Hamlet proctrastinate’, and here sumamrised before your very own eye devices, Dr. Angel will bring forth the main cut n’ thrust of this very question:
 
Why does Hamlet procrastinate?
 
  • He hasn’t eaten any fibre for three score and ten months.
  • He’s on his period
  • He was listening to chaka demus and pliers threaten Charles and Eddie over a crossed-line.
  • he couldn’t work out which size of butt plug was most relevant in our blame culture society.
  • He got lost around the nodes of ranvier
  • He’d just had a fag and got a bit of head rush, so he had to sit down and have a cup of tea.  then he surfed the internet again, and by that time he needed another fag, and the cycle was maintained!
  • He was selectively tracking through the negative behaviour of a tuba monster which caused a triangle of conflict.
  • Punjab airways
  • The Jesus and Mary chain

i await my thank you cards when you receive an A star in your exams!  Then you can go to beauty college after all!

Your servant in all matters literal

Dr. angel

Hag Fold, where art thou?

Good afternoon WoS enthusiasts,
 
Someone out there, the void that is the internet, the grey, dark, swirling virtual yorkshire moors of the internet, where you are my own dark, gyspy brooding love, Heathcliffe, and I am your vicious cyber-pet of a woman, Catherine!  O, Edgar!  The Mealy mouthed fop!  I shall run him through with my blade and still his worthless tongue from it’s yabbering with cold steel….
 
er…
 
yes, the internet.  Well, someone out there really really loves HAG FOLD.  Yes!
 
For those of you not familiar with this part of the country, it can only be described as the armpit of the wigan, leigh, atherton area where the local pastime involves sitting on your front porch smoking tabs and drinking ‘baltic’ lager as well as walking ferrets on leads.  Someone searched for ‘Hag Fold’ no less than five times and happened upon my humble blog in the process.
 
Hag fold searcher, I salute you.  Identify yourself to me and I will fall upon your feet like Brian molko, that guy from placebo, after he got lockjaw from fighting the lead singer from the killers in the dirt in Sam’s town.
 
Hag Fold rules.
 
your servant
 
Dr. Angel

This month I demand that you…

Why, sirrah!  What place have I, the magnificent Dr. Angel, international object of lust and the baroness of all matters cerebral, how DARE I order my world of shed devotees about. well, for the following reasons
 
  • your parents signed a document giving me parental responsibility for you.
  • You have been certified by the local ombudsman as having insufficient mental capacity to make your own decisions. 
  • I am a woman of old testament proportions.  I’m all wrath and locusts.  Baby.
  • You want someone else to take responsibility for the mess you have made of your life.

therefore, logically flowing from my thorough assessment of the situation, I decree that you must carry out the following tasks this very month:

  • revoke the Edicts of Nantes, Fontainebleu, and Milton Keynes.
  • Bring back the poor law, the open field system and lets live like the industrial revolution never happened!!!!The spinning jenny only brought heart ache in Angel Towers.
  • Ex communicate yourself from the Dennis the Menace fan club.  But keep your hairy badge of gnasher.  Bien Sur!
  • Re-live your halcyon days by pouring fairy liquid into the open mouth of Joe Le Taxi, a mariachi, and Liberace.
  • re-home a tuba monster. 
  • fart into a drawer and ask your boss to open it.
  • develop an obvious squint whenever someone uses the word ‘basically’.
  • take eight bottles into the shower, and shit down the plug.
  • at your next professional development review with your boss, every time they ask you a question, reply simply

"two into one WILL go"

do this until they hit you, sack you or promote you.

  • introduce a friend to World of Sheds.  Hell, BECOME a friend of world of sheds!

Le me know how you get on!

 

Your owner

Dr. Angel