Trompe Le Monde

No, not a fabulous album by the best band in Christendom (The Pixies, incase you don’t already know this), but a way of fooling your friend, nemesii (as I’m almost certain that you’ll have more than one nemesis), Big Nige and all your fellow colleagues at the slaughterhouse/tanning salon/carrot packing factory.  What I’m proposing, here on this very day, is substituting NEW names for all your favourite stores (now known as ’boutiques’, see how I’m using the new system) so people will think you got your polyester tabard from somewhere "dead swish like, innit" and you will be the toast of the towne/hamlet/industrial village in Skem or milton keynes.  How?  HERE’S HOW
old name                                                           new name
New Look                                                        Nouveau Regarde
Mark One                                                        Marconi
Matalan    (prpnounced Mat-a-lan)                now pronounced Mat-tar-laan
Primark                                                            Primo Marque
Shoe Fayre                                                     Le faire de chaussures
Quiz                                           Who wants to be a johnny dole blagger?
Can you think of any ways to fool your friends and foe into thinking you shop well?  I’m sure you can.  Remember when you had that great idea of stopping the open field system in favour of crop rotation at the beginning of the industrial Revolution?  Yeah?  Well that was good.  Do something similar here.
your comments please.
With fondant regards
P’Tang Yang kipperbang-uh!
Dr. Angel