An epistolary novel

 Dear Sir

Yet, again, I am forced, nay, compelled to throw myself at your mercy, my
lord. Please forgive my impertinence. I have a feverish candour not often
observed in a young girl of eight and twenty such as myself. I am but a
lowly girl with poor connexions. My father is a textile merchant, and my
mother is a luxury tanning booth that has recently been retubed. 3 minutes
for 3 pounds. Sometimes, i forget myself in a fit of the vapours and act in
a way not befitting one of my lowly status. my hot, consumptive cheek burns
with the shame brought upon me and my family by my hasty and impertinent
actions. I can only ask that you do not throw my family out of their
lodgings and we can continue to serve you as maids in your fried food

And now, my lord, I hold my tongue. There is nothing left to say apart from,
any chance of resizing my avatar please.

Your servant


You know it’s autumn when…

The straights of gibraltar come out of the closet

Zooby Zaretta packs up his travelling town hall spectacle.

The ghost of Queen Mary writes a letter starting "Dear Victim…"

You find a caravan dropping on the virtual yorkshire moors.

Haddaway and Dr. Alban fight over whether or not Charles and Eddie would lie
to them.

when you discover Rhythm is indeed a dancer.

When Falco recreate via the medium of oven gloves, the reformation of

The Tempest laughs at Romeo and Juliet larking around with that crazy cat Othello. 


When I fulfil my role as the Mayor of Phil Collins.


How do YOU know it’s autumn?

You would not believe what’s been going on around here…

I belched and caused a wedding to be annulled

Coronation Street’s Des Barnes (Phillip Middlemiss)contemplated which was his favourite: shanks or bigfoot?

Kilroy  wrestled with his conscience, but it was staged! Yes!

I saw a tomato soup based stain spillage on Depravo’s trousers, but when I
got up close, it was actually an old lady dressed as hitler.

I was playing ‘spot the benefit cheat’ with St. Albans and Bury st. Edumunds
when Lynn Faulds Wood dropped her anal intruder and it broke and a rainbow spilt out
as well as anna ford’s glass eye.

Keira ‘Smug face’ Knightley botoxed her abdomen much to the chagrin of all the spa towns in the UK.

Sir Clive Sinclair ate a box of frogs, so I immediately put my trousers back on and left.

Rolfaroo travelled through the passage of time and didn’t feel any better.

So, you’ve not missed much.