Yea, and so Dr. Angel returneth with tales of ever increasing gunts and putting the phone down on Johnny foreigner because she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Harsh you may think, but I’m sure it was about paella or my mother being a whore. Anyway, my mother prefers to be called an ‘escort’ these days. She says the the term ‘whore’ is just so last of the summer wine.
While I was viva-ing the whole of Espania, I came across an ‘AA’ spanish phrasebook that my house-boy (a king penguin called Estabhan. You may remember him from antartica’s entry to the eurovision song contest in 1997: ‘I skawk in your face!Warm blooded pig-dog!’) had left for me. As I was glancing through the ‘socilaising section’, it all started off fairly innocuous:
What is your name?
My name is Malchisodek of old.
Would you like to come for a drink with me?
Would you like to dance with me?
Then the woman from the AA guide steps it up a bit on the raunch-o-meter, (hitting levels of approx. 24):
Would you like to go somewhere else?
Would you like to come back to mine?
Would you sleep with me?
As you can imagine, by this time, Estabhan and I are getting a bit uncomfortable about just where this flighty minx is going with the ‘helpful spanish phrases’.
Then, just when we thought it couldn’t get anymore suggestive from the AA whore:
Have you got a condom?
We must be careful because of the AIDS.
That’s what they all say.
In that case, I’m not doing it.
"That’s what they all say"???. I wonder what the AA whore was expecting the proceeding sentence to be sop that you would need that phrase:
You won’t get pregnant.
I’ll use the rhythm method. I is a good catholic boy and I love my mama.
I have a paella in the oven.
It won’t hurt a bit. All the other girls do it.
You can’t get the aids from bum sexx.
I feel eternally grateful now I am aquainted with the spanish for "we must be careful beause of the aids!" .