Dr. Angel’s perfume reviews

Dear sweet smelling world of shed enthusiasts

While perusing the interweb for my regular brand of canoe porn and international gestures, I happened upon a blog about perfumeshttp://nowsmellthis.blogharbor.com

This not only made me knock one out and rejoice, but it also made me think that, goddammit Jeremy Irons, I can do that too.  So please keep your eyes tuned and your buttocks firmly and sweatily clamped for my first perfume review which will be coming shortly, this very night! (But first I have to treat my boils and pustules and clean out Gus the lab rat’s cage.  If I don’t, he’ll give me the cold, mute, hostile back of rejection in bed tonight). YES! IT’S FUCKING TRUE! I know most of you haven’t smelt perfume before, apart from on your regular ‘ho’s matalan boob tube, but one day you might find it useful.  For those of you in Wigan, perfumes are the things that disguise the smell of dirty houses and chip pan fat.  You can buy them in Manchester shopping emporiums or get cheap copies on Costas’ market stall in Kos, just next to the fake Burberry towellettes.

This week’s perfume:  L’Eau du Rust

perfume house:  Le cadeaux de le doublevaycay

Subtle yet promiscuous, this perfume smells like it could have been shagging your fat mam and all her pox ridden sisters.  First, the distinctive opulence of binary fission mingles with the sparkling farcical strain of tuba monsters connected together by a  system of strings and pulleys, lifting the senses and tightening your sphincter.

Surprising and velvet soft, the heart of the fragrance unfurls to reveal an original blend of irregular objects and glue sniffers’ sputum.  Next an intoxicating bouquet of black bile, yellow bile, blood and phlegm balances the four humours and prevents a visit to the snake in the temple of Asclepion. 

Finally, warmed by the skin, the last notes of the fragrance reveal it’s lingering egg nog milky accord.  The smell of sawdust on vomit and the open field system merge with knights in white satin to create the feeling you get after a welcome bum intrusion.

A defitnite shag inducer!

World of Shed enthusiasts, please feel free to add your cologne/perfume reviews below so we can all learn from your pearls of knowledge bestowed on our undeserving, porcine heads.

2 thoughts on “Dr. Angel’s perfume reviews

  1. I for one would like to tell you all about this new gentlemens scent that I’ve been sporting now for a couple of months."Barren"I can safely say with some authority that pioneers of style wear this odour like a moody suit. These include Arthur Conan Doyle’s grandson Ronan, George Jetson from TV’s "The Jetsons", Scatman Caruthers, my mate fat Gary and the missing one from the Manic Street Preachers. All in all it’s a heady combination of such classic scents such as week old abbotoir offal, festival goers flange and rampaging syphilis which together hold the opposite sex in a firm grasp of nausea and profuse sweating. I myself have managed to cut right to the front of many a queue with just the meerist of hints of "Barren" and have also successfully practiced the art of reproduction with a lady exactly zero times since purchase.However, I am still willing to persue the use of "Barren" as it is quite amusing to watch people check their shoes and sniff at their toddlers nappy encased arses as I walk through the room.

  2. Rolf: my bile rises in an arc in pleasure and delight following your cologne review. I feel certain that should you ensnare a young lady after a pleasant evening of eye writhing and handstands, the liberal application of some strategically placed ‘Barren’ (throat, balls, arse cheeks and nodes of ranvier) would seal the deal and end in a night of wild sex followed by unstoppable wildies. Only a fool would pass up the chance. Another cologne review please, I entreat you my Lord.your servant

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