Angel’s flagship store ‘Simply Poppers’ opens in the Skelmersdale concourse.

Here at Angel Industries, we are committed to a holistic approach to wellbeing.  We’ve never been averse to suggesting a person get their aura dry cleaned after a tramp’s pissed on it, or asking sickly types to sniff a cauldron of duraglit.  That’s why we think people’s bum-fun pleasure is crucial to their overall sense of wellness.  This incredible high brow and intimidating philosophy  has led to the opening of our flagship store ‘Simply Poppers’ in Britain’s greatest new town, Skem, home of the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe, and centre of pram pushing and smoking fags. 

‘Simply Poppers’ aims to bring you cutting edge design in terms of bum-play.  Choose from out extensive range of lubes including Chris Moyles’ favourite: ‘Slippery Ham Shank’ or  ‘le fluide de knocking un out’ by the hugely sucessful French Company ‘L’amour de derrierre de Gerard Depadieu’.  Also find on our well stocked shelves rows and rows of things you can stick up your arse in the comfort of your own home.  Our helpful sales staff won’t hesitate to look up from their copy of ‘Bella’ or ‘Honcho’ whilst smoking their Regal Kingsize if you ask them for help.  Tthey have been given extensive training on having a laissez faire attitude and being indolent in the main.  Here at Angel industries we pay minimum wage to ensure YOU feel slightly dirty and perverted!

To be continued…

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