Dear pungent World of Sheds enthusiats (all two of you).
Here at the world of sheds, we’re committed to saving you money. We want you to have a few groats in your back pocket so you can go out into town on a Friday night and buy your embassy kingsize and your large bottle of ‘Ice Dragon’ at Bargain Booze. We are true philanthropists. We don’t want you selling your Elizabeth Duke sovreigns and ‘Worlds Greatest Nan’ trinkets down at Cash Converters. That’s why we are bringing you the best money saving tipettes that will lead you to your preferred future (which is probably down the park throwing boomarings and dog shit on a stick at each other).
Don’t flush your toilet and spend money on costly water bills. Instead collect your yellow water in your portable urinal (with feminine adaptor) and serve as a refreshing evening beveridge chilled with a slice of lemon. Your guests will just keep coming back for more and you’ll save money not buying your favourite Netto weak lemon drink.
Nights out on the town proving costly? Don’t go out.
Kid’s packed lunches an ever increasing expense? Don’t feed them or let them wash, soon enough social services will take them away and you’ll have a disposable income to buy as many sausage rolls and pasties as your heart desires. Now the kid’s room is free, think about getting a lodger as an extra source of income.
Only drink coffee and tea at work. Try and save all your defecating between working hours to save on costly and expensive toilet roll.
Call Admiral Direct
your poppers habit getting out of hand? Let’s face it, it probably is, given that poppers is most people’s recreational drug o’ choice.Try nail varnish remover or tippex for that sickly, head banging feeling. Alternatively, go to a gay club and breathe it in all you want.
Children always growing out of their shoes? Bind their feet to prevent having to buy a new pair every 6 months. When the soles wear out, simply nail on cut up bits of tyres to the bottom. Their shoes will be the envy of all thier pals.
Can’t afford that conservatory you’ve had your eye on? Well then don’t buy it, you stupid fuck.
Always be last in a round of drinks. Hopefully your friends will be so hammered by the end of the night you won’t have to put your hand in your pocket!
Forgot to buy your girlfriend a valentine’s gift? She’ll just adore a make up brush holder made from a cardboard toilet roll insert with cut out pictures of Dave Lee Travis and a vial of his own bile decorating the outside.
Not got enough money to get your lovely acrylic nails done? Fear not! Simply write ‘chav’ on your hands. This will replace the need for such nails and reaffirm your status without the need for such expense.
Can’t buy a designer bag? Simple steal a copy of a glossy magazine from your local doctor’s waiting room and cut out all the logos and attach them to bags you already own.
Ladies, is your biological clock ticking? Thinking of how costly children are? Simply remove the batteries in your biological clock and put them in MB Games’ finest contribution ‘Operation’. Ten fold more fun and less scrawling in crayon on the walls.
Buy all electrical good and trinkets and baubles from your local Cash Converters (yours is probably Wigan) and profit from the misfortune of others.
What are your top tips World of Shed enthusiasts?