The lovely Mr Shev has again tagged me in a blog challenge. He desires to know of my ‘Guilty Pleasures’ and I promised him I would furnish him with tales of such. It’s been a while since he asked me, but I’m determined not to let him down, like a hired bouncy castle that no one played on.
Read his excellent blog here http://mrshev.com/2010/12/09/guilty-pleasures/
Firstly, if you believe everything you read in FHM and Nuts,you’d think that all women’s guilty pleasures involved hanging around in your underwear putting rollers in your mate’s hair who has come around for a sleep over and is also in a similar state of disrobement.
Fortunately for you, the world, and FHM readers, this is not a guilty pleasure of mine. No. I’m going to spare the world the mental image of that burnt on your throbbing cerebral cortex and give you one much less harrowing.
My guilty pleasures mostly involves shit telly
1. Coach Trip
2. The Biggest Loser
3. Come Dine With Me
4. The Hotel Inspector
5. Britain’s/Australia’s/America’s/Wigan’s Next Top Model
6. Anything involving make overs (Gok Wan, Trinny and Susannah, Ten Years Younger pre Myleene Klass).
All of these I LOVE to watch. My other half just can’t understand why I do this
“You’re an intelligent lass, I can’t believe you enjoy this shit”
Oh, but Cowwie, I do. I love no-thinking TV. I HATE watching anything to do with work as it feels like I’m still in work. My mum, in a misguided attempt to inform me, will ring me up “Sheds (as obviously that’s my real name), there’s a programme on kids with Woolly Brain Syndrome on channel four at 9pm”.
Right, then at exactly that time I will be switching over to watch “I used to look like a battered old hag but now I’m quite tasty” on itv2. Or CSI. There’s always a CSI on.
Which brings me onto my next Guilty Pleasure. CSI Miami.
Why, these shades are just so…(stands side on)…heavy
Oh it’s just ridiculous isn’t it? Horatio taking his glasses on and off like some kind of ginger automaton programmed to save kids and stand sideways. Alex the coroner with her saccharine sweet tears and “Poor baby. Looks like Heaven couldn’t wait for you, angel” lines that make me shout at the telly. Cally Du Cane and her tight tops and ridiculously long hair to be left down in a scientific environment where it’ll just contaminate all of the evidence and crime scenes. I hate it but I love it.
I’m so guilty.
World of Sheds 
I have never, ever watched a CSI (CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Slough…) – I just don’t see the point. I am completely confused about American police work – who actually solves the crimes? The police? The detectives? The forensic team? The lawyers? It’s so confusing, so many show with so many people working to make America a safer place…don’t they get in each other’s way?
Also, there is a ‘CSI effect’ in which jury members in the U.S. have seen a piece of evidence and the conversation goes something like this:
Police: Well, we have this piece of CCTV footage of the murder, but’s it’s inconclusive – it could be anyone
Juror: But could’t you zoom in…and enchance…and read that little slip of paper sticking out of his back pocket?
Police: No, this is DV footage and is very low quality.
Juror: But just enhance it! You can zoom in then!
Police: That will just give you one very big pixel…
Juror: But…but –
Police: Watching a lot of CSI, huh?
Absolutely, and the technology in terms of the computer software is just ridiculous! For example, entering a snap shot of a tiny corner of a building that overlooked a shooting. Then entering the image into an ‘architecture database’ which searched all the architecture in the world, every inch, and every angle. After 5 seconds of searching this illustrious database you can pinpoint the scene of the crime. “oh it was in room 45 on the 56th floor on the junction of 34th street.
It kinda makes me a bit cross, because I get it a little bit as well when someone sends me a jpeg about the size of a postage stamp and asks me to make it poster size because they saw ‘dat-ting-on-CSI, innit?’ Arrrgghhh!!!
“Cally Du Cane and her tight tops and ridiculously long”, right, so that’s CSI:Miami to be added to the Sky+ schedule.
You also made me, MADE me do a Google image search for Calleigh Duquesne, damn you.
My nonsense does often have people reaching for a google search. My face glows at my gross misspelling of CSI’s ballistics sex pot. Can you ever forgive me?
Dr Angel. We watched that very episode of CSI:NY and both snorted with derision when Mac and the boys burst into that very apartment. After wiping our snort residue from the coffee table, my little Juanita said “as if!” I retorted with “do you fancy a shag?” Both very pertinent comments.
However, I was unsuccessful, and she threw a half eaten plate of spaghetti al vongole at me. Never turn aside an opportunity to ask for a shag, that’s my motto. I have the scars to prove it. And I quite enjoy shellfish with pasta, so nothing lost eh?